By Austin Price, Editor in Chief
Growing up is hard. There’s no other way to say it. Being an adult is hard. There’s no other way to say it. However, despite these hardships, growing up is an imperative part of life. Growing up does not have to mean having no fun or always working hard. But it does mean increased responsibility and both physical and mental maturity. As a young adult myself, I still love to have fun. I love to watch Disney movies and dance to Taylor Swift music. But I also make my car payments on time and have a credit card. Being an adult is a balancing act of meeting societal expectations and allowing yourself to enjoy life. While there’s nothing wrong with having a little fun, there is a rising number of young adults who choose to shirk their adult responsibilities entirely, labeling them as sufferers of Peter Pan Syndrome.
Peter Pan Syndrome is a pop psychology term used to describe an adult who is socially immature. It refers to “never-growing” adults who have reached an adult age but cannot face their adult sensations and responsibilities. The name is a metaphor, based on the concept of not growing up and being trapped in childhood like the Disney character himself, Peter Pan. The name was coined by Dr. Dan Kiley in his 1983 book, The Peter Pan Syndrome: Men Who Have Never Grown Up. A year later in 1984, he published The Wendy Dilemma, outlining the difficulties of young females in relationships with “Peter Pans.”
It’s important to note that Peter Pan Syndrome is not an official diagnosis. According to Medical News Today, “Peter Pan Syndrome is not a formal diagnosis and does not have recognition by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) or the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition, text revision (DSM5-TR). Rather, it is an informal term that some psychologists use,”.
Those with Peter Pan Syndrome have difficulty “growing up” and cannot cope with the increased responsibilities and pressures of adulthood. They may find it hard to manage typical adult responsibilities, such as keeping a job and maintaining healthy relationships.
Dr. Dan Kiley believes that designated “Peter Pans” are narcissistic and demonstrate selfish behaviors. He says “People with Peter Pan Syndrome refuse to accept responsibility; they tend to blame others for problems. They also have difficulty expressing their emotions, which contributes to their issue with maintaining relationships,”. Another word for this type of person is “man-child”.
The main detractors and struggles of Peter Pan Syndrome come from emotional growth and personal connections with others. In his 1997 book, Men Who Never Grow Up, Kiley listed seven key markers of Peter Pan Syndrome. They are emotional paralysis, slowness, social challenges, avoidance of responsibility, female relationships, male relationships, and sexual relationships.
Peter Pan Syndrome is caused by helicopter parents and overly sensitive reactions to basic life struggles. Symptoms appear in children around the ages of 11 to 12 and continue to grow as their child is spoon-fed throughout their teenage years, an imperative time to undertake larger levels of maturity.
Peter Pan Syndrome can be debilitating to young men as they enter the throes of adulthood, but it can also severely impair their relationships with romantic partners. In Dr. Dan Kiley’s book, The Wendy Dilemma, he addresses the struggles female companions experience when their male counterpart is suffering from Peter Pan Syndrome. The book’s premise hinges on the fact that “Wendy” is the supporting partner behind a Peter Pan. Peter Pans are disinterested in adulting and may believe others should take care of adult responsibilities such as decision making, bill paying, meal preparation, and more. This leaves the Wendy in the relationship to pick up the slack.
Kiley believes that those in the Peter Pan role may not realize the responsibilities they ignore and the role they play, leading to miscommunication in relationships which can cause strife, resentment, and even be the catalyst for breaking up or separating. Patrick Cheatham, a psychologist in Portland Oregon says that “In relationships, I think this shows up most clearly in divergent levels of ambition, expectations, life goals, and ability to make commitments,”.
In simple words, those with Peter Pan Syndrome who don’t have a close relationship with their parents or a romantic partner to function as a Wendy, may have a hard time getting through life. Regarding Peter Pan Syndrome and the impact, it has, according to Healthline, “Their dishes might pile up in the sink. They might avoid doing laundry until they have nothing clean to wear. You might find yourself regularly helping with chores just to get their home a little more habitable,”.
Not only does Peter Pan Syndrome impact romantic relationships and household chores, but it can also impair career goals and work ethic. This can then lead to financial issues and interpersonal strife due to financial frustration.
Because Peter Pan Syndrome is not an actual diagnosis, there is no actual cure. However, the best way to improve life and increase the ambition of someone with Peter Pan Syndrome is through communication. This communication does not have to lessen expectations or reduce desires that one partner has from another. Rather, it is to make sure that both partners understand the general standard of their relationship in terms of effort and attention. Patrick Cheatham says, “Trying to change your partner’s level of commitment or ambition will only frustrate you both. It’s about setting a tone of adulthood and seeing how they respect and respond to that,”. This can be done through ending enabling behaviors and changing reactions to miscommunications.
Being an adult is hard. But as we get older, being an adult is imperative. While I still believe adults can and should have fun, I also believe that we need a little more Wendys and a little less Peter Pans in this world.