Carver Lawson, Special Events Manager
I’m sorry,
In my defensiveness,
I denied you your humanity.
The truth, is I’m always asking myself what makes a person lovable,
What causes someone to be so fascinated with another like it’s an obsession they’ve always had?
I thought I stopped asking myself that question and I did for a good while.
I was going to let love find me like friends told me to,
so I stopped searching and then I was in your bed,
and it felt right,
I was just bored and didn’t want to sleep alone that night,
but I thought that maybe the universe had finally rewarded me,
that I finally mastered what it meant to be lovable and enough of a fascinating person to get you hooked,
but I know now this isn’t about you,
these are about hard questions I ask myself for no good reason, a pattern I must have picked up somewhere
It really isn’t about you and that’s what makes it hurt worse because this chase of love has always been about me,
I was hoping that a stranger could tend my wounds just this once,
yet again i’m the only one who knows of secret doors and the shortcuts in the labyrinth of my heart,
It’s not your responsibility to tend to my garden like that,
I have flowers so strange that no botanist has ever seen and that leave gardeners dazed,
so yes, I am sorry in my defensiveness I’ve denied you your humanity,
I should have remembered the mazes and flowers I saw in you when I looked through your eyes.